Thursday, October 13, 2011

Unanswered Questions

At the end of each week I feel a sense of relief that we completed all our homeschooling stuff without any major mishaps. For some reason I'm waiting for it all to come crashing down on me & show me what a fool I was to think I could take this on. We are busy. By we, I mean my hubby & I. By busy, I mean a heck of a lot more busy than I care to be... and I don't even have a "real" job. I am really feeling the pressure of all the activities - school included. I don't think any one of my kids is doing too much, but between the three of them their is a lot of coming & going from our house. For example Thursday's look like this: Leave at 7:15 to get Mr. T to school. Make a quick trip to the grocery store & get Princess K to preschool by 9:00. Head to Mr. T's class to help until he gets out of school. The two of us go to the park or grab lunch while waiting for Princess K to get out of school at 11:30. We get home a little after noon. Then there's the hub-bub of just walking in the door. Then I go over the assignments Capt. N was working on while I was gone. Then Capt. N & I do school stuff for a short time & at 1:45 we leave so he can go to Piano class. We get back home at 3:45 and do more school work since we didn't do much earlier today. The hubby left at 4:45 to take Mr. T to his soccer game, then they went to a cub scout leaders meeting. Now the day's over & I feel as if I've accomplished nothing.

I don't know how to change this except to become a hermit & don't let my kids be involved in anything. I'm striving to find the perfect balance because right now it's certainly not balanced. I'm not sure how there is a way to fix it for this school year. It's bound to be busy when my 3 kids go to 3 different schools on 3 different schedules. I literally waste, on average, 2 hours just in drive time most days. That kills me & seems like such a waste of time & energy & gas money. But, what am I supposed to do? Tell my kids, "Nope, we can't go to soccer or tae kwon do or cub scouts or piano or Sunday School because I already drove you & picked you up from school today? My goal is to leave the house only once a day. This year that just isn't possible. My youngest kids are in school in the morning. Activities are in the afternoon or evening. This all makes me desperately need to change something next year. But, what? I am glad I'm homeschooling Capt. N this year. I think this was definitely the right choice. He's doing well & I'm having a good time teaching him. But, is it the right choice for next year? That's what I keep thinking about already. I know it's a while off still, and I shouldn't even waste my time worrying about it yet. But, I can't help it. This year isn't working for me & I'm looking for ways to improve it next year. As far as education is concerned I really, really like all the homeschooling benefits. But, I think Capt. N is starting to miss hanging out with his friends at lunch & recess. And, I know he would be getting a fine education in public school. Am I really able to offer him that much more? This year I say yes. Next year, I don't know.

The problem is I'm quite overwhelmed with life in general. I need to cut out something, but there's nothing I want to cut. I don't go to the gym, I don't take any fun classes, I don't have regular lunch with girlfriends. It would have to be something I cut from my kids & I just don't want to do that simply because it's a pain for me to be on the road all day. I'm trying to juggle in my mind what would make our family life run more smoothly. Would homeschooling all my kids make things easier or more difficult? Even if it's more difficult, are all the benefits worth it? Would the simple idea of not having to take and pick my kids up from school make life easier? Then we would only have to leave for activities. But, then I'd have 3 kids worth of schooling to figure out. Would it be easier just to send them to public school? Do I want to send them to public school simply because it's easier? I'm trying to look at the big picture & I'm not coming up with any great revelations. I'm confused. I enjoy homeschooling, but is it best for my kids & our family looking forward? Part of me says yes, part of me says no. The fact is I've just got to get used to being extremely busy because that's going to happen with either schooling option I choose for the future.

And, since I'm thinking about it, I'd like to add that I've really enjoyed learning Capt. N's learning style and the things he excels at & the subjects he just doesn't like at all - like reading & writing. I thought I kept pretty good tabs on what he was doing in school in the past, but this is a whole new level & I feel like I know him that much better. As I've already blabbed about, we spend a great deal of time in the car, and it's nice to continue a conversation we've been having in class while we're driving. Sometimes I will also quiz him on his spelling words or give him math problems. I love spending this time with him & learning so much more about him. For the good or for the bad, he's also probably learning more about me as well. As much as I love this, it does make me wonder if he should be learning these things about kids his own age? Should he be building friendships while at school as opposed to learning more about his weirdo mom? Oh, I have a never ending supply of unanswered questions & have no idea on how to get the best answer.

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